Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Happier When Heavier?

When it comes to healthy eating, some days are better than others.  I tend to do pretty well during the week, when my eats are structured but I struggle a lot during the weekend.  My meals are unplanned and I snack more.  

The other night, after the hubby got home from working his second job, he was in the kitchen munching on graham crackers and peanut butter and it got to the point where I literally had to walk away from him.  If I didn't, I knew I'd be reaching over for some snacks too even though I wasn't hungry.  In some ways, I envy him because he eats balanced meals.  He indulges when he wants but the majority of the time, he eats healthfully.  He has an active job, so he's constantly on the move, while I'm sedentary for the majority of my day.

After the hubby was done eating, he came over and asked me a question I'm still thinking about 4 days later.  He said "were you happier when you were heavier?  When you ate whatever you wanted whenever you wanted?"  It took me off guard because my immediate reaction was "no, of course not" but is that the truth?

Back then, when I was heavier, I didn't think too much about the nutritional value of food.  I ate General Tso's chicken every Saturday and would finish that up with a peanut butter wrap.  I ate chocolate like it was going out of style and I would always have potato chips with my lunch.

When I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, I lived off of french fries and BBQ Frito Twists much longer than I care to remember.  Yes, I ate whatever I wanted and I loved that I didn't have to think about calories or fat or anything else but the real question was....was I happy?

And the real answer?  Is no.  I wasn't happy having to shop in plus size clothing stores.  I wasn't happy when my already tight sized 16 pants would no longer button.  I wasn't happy that I tried to dress in ways that would make me appear thinner.  I wasn't happy because I felt I was missing out on a "typical high school/college experience" because of my weight.  No one wanted to date me and everyone would always tell me that I had a "pretty face" - what does that really mean anyway?

Once I started eating right and the weight began to come off, some other things came off as well - my insecurities, my need to hide in the background, my fear of what other people thought of me (okay I still struggle with that one sometimes).  I began to feel better physically and was happy when my then-boyfriend (before he became my husband) could go jogging together.  I came out on the other end of my weight loss a different person - the person I always hoped and dreamed I would be.

So while there are times when I struggle with overeating and being frustrated that I can't eat whatever I want without any consequences, I'd still choose this lifestyle over my old one hands down.

Question of the Day:
Tell me something you're happy about!

Until next time!
~Anne Marie